A Letter To You On A Cassette...

...because I'm using some illicit, pre-WW2 technology.

So to quote the Backstreet Boys, I'm back again...But apparently my gift of verbose stupidity isn't. That's a shame. I'm currently having great issues retrieving the blog posts from the second half of my sojourn, but in the process of hunting for such files, I did find something that was quite amusing, to me at least.

What follows is a conversation held over MSN between my girlfriend at the time, and one of my best friends. What amuses me most, is the huge amount of truthful things he weaves in and out of the complete garbage he feeds her. See if you can pick the truth, and when I arrived...

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.

Starbright says:

hi dos fuera de tres no es malos how are you??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I'm alright

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

how are you?

Starbright says:

thank you for fixing my game!!!

Starbright says:

i am good!! trying to install KID PIX

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I have no idea what that is

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

or why it makes you good

Starbright says:

by the way The Nick didnt get all the credit!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

he said he got a hug

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

so I told him that next time he was getting a hug, he had to make you call him Alex

Starbright says:

ha ha i know!! i found it amusing!!

Starbright says:

i brought him spidy on PS2!! he is in my room playing it now!!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

so you want the dirt on him or what?

Starbright says:

4 sure

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I me anything

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I can peice togeather most of it

Starbright says:

did you go to school together??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

nah

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, I knew him back then

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

but not the same school

Starbright says:

oh i see!!

Starbright says:

i had a look at your web page the other day at The Nicks house!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

ha

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that can only lead to trouble

Starbright says:

i found it very funny

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

anything catch your eye in particular?

Starbright says:

avril

Starbright says:

wedding

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

ha

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

yes

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I feel that section is largly underappriciated

Starbright says:

i appriciated it!!

Starbright says:

were you at work today??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

yup

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

every day

Starbright says:

get you do any work today??

Starbright says:

The Nick tells me you dont!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, it's been a bit funny this week

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

does The Nick know you're talking to me?

Starbright says:

no

Starbright says:

why???

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, yesterday I was illuding to my conquests, and he was all "Dude, watch what you say, she is in the room"

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

which is making me think maybe he thinks I know something you don't

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

which is why I'm wondering why you're not asking about the bodies he's burried, women he's inpregnated and places he's thrown up on himself

Starbright says:

so tell me!!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

Well, I remember once we were at this party, all off our nuts, and The Nick had a bottle of vodka, which was pretty much the last bit of alcohol at the party. This drunk chick was all "just give me one drink" and he wouldn't do it. After a while she pissed off and we didn't hear from her again

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that is, until the next morning, when we were walking home, there's all these cops and firetrucks and what not at the end of the street; turns out she went to get some more grog, and cleaned herself up on a powerpole at the end of the road

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I think The Nick always felt kind of bad about that

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that's the only person I know about him killing

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

he's got three women pregnant

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

but only one of them kept it

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

he's throw up pretty much everywhere

Starbright says:

really??? is this all true?

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

we once fell in a river

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, you can ask him if you like. He'll probably deny it all, but I mean, hey... who do you trust here?

Starbright says:

omg!!! is there anymore???

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

it was a real good night. one of the guys brought a motorbike inside (we didn't want too many cars and shit in the street), and The Nick tried to ride it down the stairs

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

evidentally, he doesn't know too much about the breaks on bikes, because he punched the biggest fucking hole in the wall at the bottom of the staircase

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

banged up the bike pretty bad

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

and his face too

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I don't have my license, but somehow I got the job of driving him to the hospital

Starbright says:

no way!!! when did that happen???

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

maybe two years ago?

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that's where that scar on his cheek came from

Starbright says:

omg you not serious??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

yeah

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I remember once we got arrested

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that was pretty crazy

Starbright says:

what??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, we made a bit of a sparkler bomb, and blew it up at this park in box hill

Starbright says:

and the cops came???

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, I think they did after we'd left

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

they picked us up a few blocks away

Starbright says:

what am i going to do alex i didnt know any of this!!! i dont know if i can still be with him now that i know he is a killer!!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

and we were carrying these wood posts we'd sort of swiped from a nativity scene in front of a church. They said we'd vandalised the church, and they searched us. I had like a pussy little stanley knife, and The Nick had a kind of cool replica pistol

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

they took us in for going equipped

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

The Nick got off with a suspended sentance, I got like seven days community survice and a year good behaviour bond

Starbright says:

does he get violent?? im scared

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, he used to beat up on one of his ex's, but she was a total whore. I mean, I had trouble not punching that girl when I was with her for like an hour, and he was there all the time

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I'm sure you'll be fine

Starbright says:

omg what should i do??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I'm sure you'll be cool

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

just don't touch his nose

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that really gets him going

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I remember once we beat the crap out of these punk kids who tried to mug us

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

he was pretty violent then

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I mean, I was just sort of trying to teach the guy that mugging people isn't nice

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

but I think The Nick wanted to kill the motherfucker

Starbright says:

are you serious i really dont want him in my house now!!!

Starbright says:

i am really worried!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

yeah, actually, he's playing Spiderman, right?

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, you know that's based on a Marvel comic?

Starbright says:

yeah!!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

The Nicks a DC man

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

if that get's him pumped up enought, he's liable to flip out

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

if I were you I'd sneak out a window or something

Starbright says:

your kidding!! where can i go? im so scared

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

don't worry baby, I'm here for you

Starbright says:

what??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

err...

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

nothing

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

just play it cool

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

don't let him know you know

Starbright says:

dont let him know what? and whats this accident he talks about??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

oh shit

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

he mentioned the accident?

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I can't tell you about that

Starbright says:

he said ther was an accident

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that's the one thing that's off limits

Starbright says:

he says he cant tell me about it!! what happened??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

no way baby

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

that just aint worth it

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

we swore a pact to never talk about the accident

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

hell, I don't even want to think about that shit

Starbright says:

tell me!!

Starbright says:

hes in my room you have to tell me

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I wish I could, I really do

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

but there's nothing on earth that could make me talk about the accident

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I'm taking that to the grave

Starbright says:

why did you call me baby before?? what would The Nick think if he sees this??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I call all girls baby

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

or toots

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

The Nick knows this

Starbright says:

omg now he's yelling at the game what will calm him down??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

do you smoke?

Starbright says:

no ne doesn't either

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, he used to

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I think he feels kind of guilty about it

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

it's like a constantly raging inner torment

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

if you blow smoke in his face or something though, it kind of relaxs him a bit

Starbright says:

thats odd are you sure??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

yeah

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, it's better if you can actually make him smoke

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

but that might be kind of risky for you

Starbright says:

why?

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, he gets real defensive about his smoking

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

if you just casually offer him one it might set him off

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I usually find the best way is to smoke a cigar in front of him to get him craving the nicoteen, then offer him one and have another myself

Starbright says:

i dont have any cigarettes is their anything else that calms him down??

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

well, there the coke of corse

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

but that's kind of a two edge swaoard

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

shit

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

sword

Starbright says:

shit i think he is coming what am i going to do???

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

just run

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

he's not very fast

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

make sure you stay off the roads though, or he'll come after you in his car

Starbright says:

i;m leaving. give me your address so i can come over.

Starbright says:

quikly!!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

387 Barkly St

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

Brunswick

Starbright says:

okay i'll be there in 20 mins

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

cool

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

you can sleep in my bed

Starbright says:

what?

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

err..

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

nothing

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

forget that

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

see you soon

Starbright says:

are u serious?

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

about what?

Starbright says:

the bed thing.

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I dunno...

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I'm game if you arE?

Starbright says:

You really shouldn't say such things where I can read them, Herr Teretz

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

ARGH!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

HANG IN THERE!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I'm COMING WITH MY HARPOON GUN!

Dos fuera de tres no es malos. says:

I'LL BE THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES!

Starbright says:

387 Barkly St? Who lives there? That's near my primary school, that's about all I know. Actually, I knew a girl from Primary School lived down there. And relax, you can't drive anyway!

...And the rest is, as they say, a series of events that have happened previous to this point, and recorded for posterity in a chronological format...

Q: At which do you most can't the least? What I most can't the least would be do not a bad job, but always a good.
Song For The Day: “Better Metal Snake” by Dethklok