Then Gandalf The Grey, And Gandalf The White....

This time of the year has a profound impact on my lifestyle. Out of habit and general intent, I avoid shopping at the “regular” times as dictated by the world of retial. This is mostly because I can’t stand the shuffling masses that are “consumers”. I think this is really just a conveniently naïve label for the zombie hordes that we have trapped in the social roach motels that are shopping malls, but I’m cynical/paranoid/silly.

I got home late, due to having to go to the shops. I got many of the items I required, I made more purchases than intended, and I saw a man eat his own head. It was that type of an evening. The long drive home (10 minutes) left me exhausted, and mentally drained. There were sights and sounds I experienced that I cannot verify the existence of. Was I hallucinating? Had I transcended a barrier to another layer of reality? Why did everyone sound like Ringo Starr?

I woke up the house, stumbled in sideways, (like in a Crowded House song) and was immediately accosted by a bright yellow-costumed ninja who hurled a sharp, barbed harpoon at my head, demanding I get over there. I dived to the side, my shopping spilling everywhere. The couch broke my momentum, and just in time as a bladed-hat wearing shaolin monk leapt out of hiding, and launched an abusive-sounding tirade at the ninja. He made a few martial-looking gestures, then leapt at the ninja. As the began to fight, the floor shook and we were soon joined by a four-armed giant, bellowing a mighty warcry as he beat his chest with all four tightly clenched fists. There was a brief blaze of light, and then Thor, Captain America, Wolverine and Spider-man appeared at the top of the stairs, before marching off to find some Ultron robots to beat up. A bald, pale-looking sorcerer crept out from behind the TV a glowing green skull in one hand, my copy of “Army Of Darkness” in the other. He was about to ask me something (probably regarding which ending the DVD had), when a red-overall wearing plumber jumped on his head, and caused him to shrink down to half size. He retaliated by throwing glowing green bolts around. Then Batman arrived and unleashed a swarm of trained killer bats on the kombatants, and a warzone photographer took snaps of the whole thing, whilst Master Chief cooked up some toast. Meanwhile a crowbar-wielding physicist was trying to solve a puzzle revolving around three different projectors to create a single image, as Optimus Prime tried to find a parking space only to be thwarted by Marcus Fenix rolling up in his borrowed junker.




I think I have to lay off the video games a bit.

Q: What’s Your New Year’s Resolution? To build a reputation, but this time built on fact.
Song For The Day: “I Predict A Riot” by Kaiser Chiefs