The amazing healing properties of mud

I share my place with two mischievous cats. Named for some of my favourite Bat-villains, (Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy) these little terrors are of the opinion that they own the house, and that the only reason for my co-accommodation is to provide them with food. They have no ability to open cans, or turn on taps, so we're at a bit of an impasse - the rely on me, but want to be rid of me. I never let them forget this, but I know they are planning something...probably involving prosthetic thumbs.

http://www.tribuneindia.com/2001/20011224/login/hardware.htm

As they are full of mischief (85% in fact. The other 15% is chocolate), I often have to prevent them from continuing their dastardly deeds. For example, they are of the understanding that a comic is just a brightly coloured scratching toy, much to my dismay. And so it was, that I had caught Ivy (the evil one) and decided best to carry her downstairs and away from the scene of the crime. Halfway down, she decided it was time to reclaim her independence, and she sprang from my arms.

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_km4479/is_200607/ai_n16596210

Now cats DO land on their feet - most of the time. I had no fear for her, she's big enough to know the ins and outs of cat-fall dynamics. But to provide her with escape velocity, she felt compelled to unsheath her claws to give her the traction this launch required. She got traction, and in return I had a two-inch wound inflicted on my palm. Yes, pain ensued.

http://hort.ufl.edu/gt/hurricane-damage/hurricane.htm

So I left her to her wicked devices, and went to clean myself up. As I was still getting ready to leave the house, I stopped the bleeding, and had a shower. Afterwards, as I am wont to do, I shaved and had at this point completely forgotten about my hand (hot water works wonders). Applying my aftershave, I had the same thought I have every time I put it on, namely "ha ha, I'm wearing mud". This is true.

http://www.innerauto.com/Honda_Parts/Honda_Mud_Guard/

My father bought my an New Zealand aftershave that contains a large amount of Rotoruan thermal MUD. This initially struck me as odd, but it's really good stuff. So, slapping it on, I feel the familiar slight burning sensation on my cheeks....AND THEN MY HAND. AARGH!! THE MUD HAS SEEPED INTO THE WOUND! THIS IS THE MOST PAINFUL THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED! QUICK! CUT IT OFF AT THE WRIST! JUST STOP THE -
oh, it's passed.

Later in the day, after this had subsided, someone noticed the gash on my hand. I started telling the story, and then looked at my hand - almost completely healed. There was no exposed flesh, no weeping...all sealed up.


I'm heading off to NZ to steal their mud for strategic medical experiments. I think I've now figured out what it will take to defeat ZOMBIES!!!

http://consc.net/zombies.html

Q: Favourite Alcoholic Drink? Scotch, but I'm really keen to have a Martini night.
Song Of The Day: "I'm Straight" by Jonathan Richman