Free Stuff = Best Quality Ever

I’m not one to look for every possible freebie out there. In fact, I’m more of the opinion that if I don’t need something, I will actually decline (after all, there are only so many free cartons of flavoured milk that a non-milk drinker can accept from the promo people before enough is truly enough).

But there are times when this pragmatic model of thinking realises it’s shoelaces are untied, the moment after it’s already stepped on the escalator of rational thinking. The moment of clarity is quickly followed by a panicked selfish endeavour with a result of negligible worth. The following is one of those shoe-lace eating situations.

Over the last year I had a running battle with a certain computer company who shall remain nameless (APPLE), and I experienced the full gamut of their customer service capabilities. In less diplomatic language, they blocked me at every turn and refused to help me out when their products, which I had purchased and had full documentation for, were not just faulty, but repeatedly and ridiculously flawed. This, combined with my own background in customer service (and the full knowledge of the purpose of said role) has left me a touch jaded regarding these people of help.

So I decided to cause some mischief.

Being a great proponent of two minute noodles, I keep a few packs on hand for those midnight snacks that must be prepared in 120 seconds or less, but recently I found that Fantastic noodles (name or description? You decide…) have bulk packs, which make my midnight snacking even easier. The only problem is they come without flavour sachets, those minute packets of salt that make my noodles resemble the taste of faux-chicken (certainly doesn’t taste like any chicken I’ve eaten, and I’ve eaten many chickens). I thought on this – how can I get more flavour sachets? It’s a reasonable question, I thought, so I used Dirk Gently logic, and asked a child.

thenick: Child, how can I get more noodle flavour sachets?

Child: Mum keeps them in a drawer in the kitchen.

(thenick furiously scribbles this down)

thenick: Any other way?

Child: ask Maggi.

So I did.

Fristly, I found I must have secreted a few flavour sachets away when I was cooking noodles for other purposes (bonus points), and then I got on the Maggi website. I found their contact us link, and I contacted them. I explained my situation, and asked if there was indeed any other way to get those silver bags of taste and salt. After hitting send, I boasted of my bravado and marched around, browsing the website with impunity. By chance I came across the “Other Products” page, and discovered Maggi Stock powder. At this point, the panicky coward in my mind screamed at me – the customer service people are just going to tell me to use this. I won’t get any more sachets!!! Bravery stood up, grabbed Cowardice by the shoulders and shook him until his teeth chattered. “Be reasonable, man! Give them time…”

They replied.
Cowardice was right – they told me to use stock powder.

FOILED.

Q: Whose the last person you spoke on the phone to? Alistair from I.T. He fixed my mistakes.
Song For The Day: “Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner” by Warren Zevon