Zen and The Art Of Making Up Words

Whilst growing up in the far-flung hills of Saturn Greensborough, I knew a guy named Zen. That’s one hell of a cool name, especially compared to thenick.

ZEN.

ZZZEN.

How many names start with a ‘z’? Zach, Zoe, Zilla…(true – I know a girl named Zilla) ZEN.

"Duct tape. I need it for... taping something.”

The only problem was, as cool as the name was, and as great a guy as Zen was/is (I think he’s still around), he wasn’t THAT cool. True. His name preceded him. So, we renamed him Henry. This renaming took on a Jekyll and Hyde element, whereby we knew him as Henry until the sweet vintage that was his cool, was opened and found to have not spoiled in it’s long term behind the cork that was his goofish nature.

So that’s Zen.

Over the last four months, I’ve immersed myself fully into the world of business. The politics, the strategies, the alliances and structures of power. I’m THERE. Hip-deep in this morass that is the modern workplace, I am taking in their methods and styles and meeting them head-on. This is cool, I like a challenge. What I don’t like is the absolute destruction of the English language that business engages in on a frequent basis. Like a Patrick Bateman clone, business strides around in it’s three-piece power suit, nailgunning words to walls, and chainsawing almost recognizable terms into gory chunks of syllables, re-arranged into morbid mockeries of real words. Allow me to show you:

“I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.”

Action – this word is a NOUN. Elvis spelt it, most of us live for it. Still a noun.

But NOT if you work in Business. In business it’s a verb – it’s something you can do on it’s own! Action Points are fine, they are points-you-must-act-on. But saying you’ve actioned something? That’s crazy. I hate it.

“There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul's apartment overlooks the park... and is obviously more expensive than mine.”

Diarise – This one kills me. Diarise means “to record something in your diary”. What’s wrong with saying “I’ll write that in my diary?!?!” WHY WHY WHY!?!? (Delilah?) And why does it have to sound like some horrible medical term?
”I’m sorry ma’am, but if little orphan Johnny is to survive the night, we’ll have to diarise both his lungs, and hope for the best.”

“But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.”

Releasedness – Okay, we made this one up. We hate it too, but we needed it. I swear, when this project wraps up, I’m taking that word out and burying it.

What really worries me, is that I typed this whole blog in MS Word, and it didn’t pick any of them up as typo’s…oh, the world is a scary scary place.

“I'm leaving. I've assessed the situation, and I'm going.”

(today’s quotes supplied by celluloid super-yuppie Patrick Bateman)

Q: Do you believe in ghosts? No, but Dan Aykroyd certainly does…
Song For The Day: “Holiday In Cambodia” by The Dead Kennedys